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Jokes
Some states do offer "OTB", off-track betting. These little bookie shops are scattered around a large city where you can bet on the horse races and do not have to drive all the way to the track. One day, a religious group scattered around town to spread "the good word", to the people in the downtown area. One person out of this group walked into the horse shop filled with 70 horse bettors and opened the door and yelled "Pray For Forgiveness", and walked out the door and down the street. Ole' a compulsive gambler who had a bad day with the early races, went down the street and ran up to the man and said, "What Race?" Ole' and Lena moved into a new retirement community, and Ole' was invited to a guy's night out for a long poker game on Saturday night. Ole' was sure he won the first hand of the night, when he flashed his cards showing 3 Kings. As Ole' was grabbing the poker chips, Kenny said "Not so fast, I got 3 Aces." Ole' asked to see Kenny's hand, but the rest of the neighbors told Ole' that this was strictly a gentlemen's game and there was no need to show your hand do to the fact of the community trust with everyone. When Ole' came home that night, Lena asked him how the poker night went. Ole' said, "Just great, after the first hand I never lost the rest of the night."A man was quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. "What was that for?" he says. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it", she replies. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on", he explains. She looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house. Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When he comes to, he says, "What the hell was that for?" "Your horse phoned."Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation.
The first guy says "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, "7 come 11" all night & I haven't had a wink of sleep!"
The second guy says "I know what you mean...my old lady played black jack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers "hit me light or hit me hard", and I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"
The third guy says "You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore dick and an a$$ full of quarters."
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